X Factor: an annual onslaught of criminal fashion choices

This week I will mainly be biting my lip in anticipation of the horrors that are about to ensue on my TV screen this Saturday evening. What horrors you ask? I’ll tell you. The live shows of X-factor are about to commence and thus we will see the tragic makeovers forced upon the contestants by the x-factor stylists. Generally if your in the under 28’s girls category and you are under a size ten you might just make it through OK. They’ll probably shove you in a Topshop dress and put some edgy makeup on you. This probably won’t suit you. If your a guy they’ll force you to tuck your jeans into some sort of military style boot. If your fat your screwed. They’ll undoubtedly try to hide your fat legs in harem pants (please see Jesy from Little Mix) or go the other way and wrap you in inappropriately tight PVC leggings. If you’ve already got a style of your own, like you like a bit of vintage they’ll totally ham it up and make you a caricature of your former self.

Anyway today I realised they’re already at it. Where are James Arthur’s NHS glasses in this photo? Please don’t say he’s going to be in contacts for all the live shows. His milk-bottle lenses were amazing. I say we start a Facebook campaign to save them.

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